Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
