and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
