I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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