Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
well you can't waste a boner
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
