I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
