I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize