I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
