There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
