Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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