The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
