i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
