Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
