sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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