I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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