Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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