my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize