New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
