Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
