it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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