Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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