Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
