I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
