My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
