My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
