glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My cat gives me a boner
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
