Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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