So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
