Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
