Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
