I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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