porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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