And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
