I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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