Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
