We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize