just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
