woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
