He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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