good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want her autograph on my taint
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
