girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
