You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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