I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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