First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
