So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I believe in your delicious
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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