When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
