can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like eating out sand paper
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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