she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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