You smell like stripper and shame
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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