I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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