so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
