Ambien. No doubt about it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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