Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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