You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
