I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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