Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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