I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
