Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
