I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
