so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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