so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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