I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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