my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
