she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
