i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
