chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
