I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
