he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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