Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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