I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
