i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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