I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
