In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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