I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
