Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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